Action-Packed Biden Regime Sprints to Save America from Gas Shortage. Or Not.
I hope that the liberals suffering in the Biden gas lines this week are savoring this moment and allowing it to sink in. Go ahead, guys. Eat the pain that you voted for! As you wait for several hours in hopes of getting the last gallon of gas at the Costco, maybe spend some time reflecting on how you should vote in every future election. Based on the blazing-hot incompetence of the Biden regime so far, it should be a miracle for any voter to ever cast a ballot for any Democrat, ever again.
As of this writing, the Colonial Pipeline has allegedly been restarted and gasoline is starting to trickle back into the system. The bottleneck on the East Coast, however, is expected to last for several days as everyone is able to finally start refueling.
By Wednesday morning, the Spartanburg/Greenville/Asheville/Anderson area in North Carolina was reporting that nearly 80% of all service stations were completely out of gas. Multiple states are aching similarly as panic-buying and shortages spread.
Not to worry! Joe Biden and his crack team of experts are sprinting to the rescue! And it’s only taken them a week to decide to maybe do something!
Before we examine the steps that Joe Biden plans to possibly start thinking about taking, it’s worth reflecting on how President Donald Trump would have handled this gasoline crisis:
Bureaucratic Weenie: This pipeline hack is definitely a catastrophe, Mr. President. We should do nothing and blame Russia!
Trump: No. Hey, what’s in that thing over there?
BW: That thing? Oh, well, it’s… it’s full of gas. It’s some sort of emergency storage thing.
Trump: Good! Open the spigot.
BW: But sir! Think of the paperwork!
Trump: The people need help. Do it now or I’ll replace you with someone who can.
BW: Let me just go find a wrench…
**Five minutes later… gas crisis completely averted. **
Trump would have then sword-droned whatever Iranian general was in charge of the pipeline hacking team for good measure. At any rate, we all know that Trump wouldn’t have waited an entire week as the East Coast suffered under an economy-murdering fuel shortage.
Biden’s Press Secretary, Circle-Back Psaki, announced on Thursday that Team Biden was “starting the work to consider a temporary waiver of the Jones Act,” in order to free up more fuel supplies to deal with the crunch. Starting the work… to CONSIDER doing something.
Here are the specifics of that plan. This is going to sound like a joke as you read it but trust me – this the actual Biden plan for dealing with the very immediate problem of a fuel shortage.
Step One will involve appointing a commission of experts. These oil and gas experts will be assembled from around the country. Presumably, they will need to adjust their own schedules to get to DC so they can participate in the work of the commission. In a best-case scenario, it sounds like this commission will be assembled to hit the ground running sometime in mid-June.
Step Two will involve the commission… appointing members to a new commission. Now hear me out! This is a really smart move on Team Biden’s part, because you see – the first commission will hold meeting to nominate members for a “Blue Ribbon” commission. Sounds pretty fancy, right? Especially if you’re waiting in line for several hours to get your gas ration. Rest assured that a commission is appointing a commission that will FIX THIS PROBLEM.
Step Three – probably launching in August – will involve the Blue Ribbon commission studying and developing different Jones Act proposals to deal with the gas shortage. Those proposals will then be typed up in the form of a report and submitted to Congress. This will hopefully happen sometime around Columbus Day or Indigenous Transgenders Day or whatever we’re calling the holiday this year.
Step Four will involve the House and Senate debating and passing a bill to temporarily suspend the Jones Act. Once Joe Biden puts his signature on the bill (assuming Congress is able to pass it), all of America’s immediate gasoline shortage troubles will be solved! Merry Christmas!
That’s Joe Biden’s plan. I’m not even kidding.
I really miss Donald Trump.